an explanation

Every day becomes more desolate, an infection.

I am still mobile, but without direction.

It is a tragedy that I use my body for destructive purposes rather than positive strides.

But there is a force greater than me that is hindering a beautiful ride.

A constant sick feeling with zero glimmers of hope.

When does it end? How can it even begin?

The only way to feel normal must include serotonin boosters.

But what if I refuse...what might happen then?

It is not just a dark corner, cloud, or space.

It is a dark life, I am without a place.

Even during the day, bright light is rare.

So I light it up at night, this is beyond repair.

fall

Dull pain flies through my bones at an unimaginable speed.

Both of my eyes burn from the tears welling up behind them.

They don't fall.

There is no one on Earth who could make me feel alive more than you.

And I can't stand the thought of being in another human's vicinity. 

I fall.

There are no feelings, no emotions, just fleeting zaps of perception, of what once was relevant in my existence.

But the relevance was merely a pipe dream. What was significant then, is no longer now. There is no one left, but me.

My body is not capable of truly loving another space, another object, another human; because my body does not love itself.

Meaningful contact between this body and the universe does not exist.

I used to think I loved too much, that if love was a liquid it would be pumping my heart. 

But what I found was that I needed too much. The fear of being alone paralyzed my soul, if there even is one inside.

I used to be so naturally sweet, so genuinely kind, and so beautifully pure. All that is left now is a tainted, fatigued frame who's moves are robotic and counterfeit. It's fraudulent, it's Fall.